Another year has passed, and another Easter Egg Competition has come and gone. The Easter Egg Competition is the Crossman Family's annual tradition of cutthroat competition, which nicely breaks up the tedium of amicability that becalms us the rest of the year. The competition has been running roughly since the beginning of the A.M. calandar (meaning After Mulroney), but it is only in recent years that it has beaten out all the so-called splinter groups (the so-called Clair Affair, etc.) to become THE unchallenged Egg Decorating Competition in Lower North-Central Ontario. The rules have become entrenched in custom: two eggs per person, two hour time limit, and no material limitations. The winners are decided by voting, where each participant has three votes.

Alas, I don't have any people shots again this year. I think I saw Cheryl poking around with a camera -go bug her for the sweat and tears. What I've got is the results of the two-hour dash, which as per tradition I have hung in gallery form with my unimpeachably impartial commentary. Enjoy!


METAMORPHEGGSIS by Jen. A new competition, a new beginning. For this artist it was a new idea for egg decorating, coupled with a recent obsession will all things butterflical. Here she expertly captures the very moment of emergence from an egg cocoon, thus using the egg much as nature intended. The drawback of this piece is that, in order to achieve the appearance of the crucial cocoon, the artist was obliged to conceal nearly the entirety of the actual egg. Artisticaly ambitious, yes, but without a visible egg one can hardly expect to win an egg competition.

Water Lily

WATER LILY by Fern. Continuing with her theme of unadorned nature, the artist introduced us to a rare species of egg lily, Liliaceae Ovarium. This intricate and almost oragamic repressentation of aquatic flora was accurate and well-executed, just not terribly exciting.

Miner Flamenco Dancer

YOLK-HEAD MINER by Alex (left). Continuing his deconstruction of the egg genre, the artist strives to show the versitillity of partial egg shapes. Does he succeed in this instance? Not even remotely.

EGG-A-LA-CART by Bob (right). This artist's "thing" is self portraiture, which he takes to new and exciting places with this tasty arrangement. Alas at the time of the vote it fell victim to the family's instinctive aversion to food that's been left out too long.


BUTTERFLEGG by Bob. The picture does this piece no justice, since the wing patterns are only visible from up above. Even so, whimsical colouring and ingenious mounting were not enough to endear the work to the judges.


SOMETHING EGGISH by Kathy. Well, whatever it is, it's sure decked out to the nines! Fluffy appendages, beaded skirt and glitter -glorious glitter! If the medium was the message then this piece would communicate a sense of gaudy decadence. Unfortunately for the artist, a strong representation of the young masculine demographic in this year's voting list guaranteed the work would flop at the polls.

Trojan Horse Hula Dancer

TROJAN EGG by Fern (left). Whatever you do, don't open the gates for this horse-shaped ploy! An army of eggs may very well then emerge and sack your city as you sleep. Well, one egg might emerge. Might. Conjecture as to whether or not this entry actually contained an egg at all sealed its fate at the polls.

HULA EGG by Chris (right). Is that a gaudy tourist attraction or a criminal surrendering? Is that supposed to be a grass skirt or an inverted worbler's nest? Too many questions about this questionable piece took it out of contention.


BOLLYWOOD EGGSTRAVAGANZA! by Kathy . This piece is as over the top as they come. Fiercely defending her claim over the fluffball corner of the supply table, the artist proceeded to make a mockery of superlatives by creating the most intricately mesmerizing work of art ever seen at an egg decorating competition. The judges consensus? Too much of too much of a good thing.


KICKOFF EGG by Chris. This piece tried to split the uprights of the judges hearts, but was intercepted by the running-back of their artistic taste. Following last year's rationale of subliminal persuassion, the artist again incorporates the numeral 1 prominently and repeatedly in his work; again, sadly, to no avail.

Toiletry on Stilts

EGG ON STILTS by Connor (right). Have you ever wondered how someone on stilts goes to the toilet? Wonder no longer! The artist has solved an engineering problem and entered an egg decorating competition in one fell swoop. Doubling also as a scale model to wow potential investors in Tower Toilets Inc. (all patents pending), the artist specializes in maximum bird killage with minimal stone input. Although several thousand shares did change hands, the artistic merrits of this work were insufficient to put it on the podium.


EGG DRAGON by Jen . Another smart innovation by this artist -Eggcelsior to her! This time a split and yolk-less egg forms the perfect jaws of this mythical fire breathing beast! Excessive reliance on corduroy asside, it was a bit of a surprise that it didn't place.


EGG IN BLOOM by Alex . Pushing ever further into the deconstructionist stratosphere, the artist uncannily fits the pieces of egg shell back together into the shape of an eye-catching blossom. The judges, however, were not in a "stop-to-smell-the-roses" frame of mind this year, and this little gem was passed over.


EGG MARTINIS by Cheryl. Sure they'd taste good! The innovative use of whole shell-less eggs and the cunning association with booze made this double entry popular with older voters, but the young-masculine electoral machine was able to squeeze it out of contention.


JURASSIC EGG by Mike. 3RD PLACE WINNER! A rough and rugged portrayal of the rare Shinglesaurus brought the artist back to the podium after a year's absence. The raw jagged edges were intentionally unadorned to give this beast a fierce, primitive look that accentuated the theme. Sturdy materials and bulky design complete this studied exercise in minimalism and earn this work a well-deserved third place.

Battle Royale

EGG RUMBLE by Kalum . 2ND PLACE WINNER (TIE)! How the concept of Battle Eggs was not invented before now is one of the great mysteries of the age. Here the artist boldly portrays two shelled gladiators duking it out for supremecy under a deeply symbolic fuzzy melon tree. The vanquished calls for mercy, the victor screams for yolk, and the drama of it all would stir the blood of ancient Roman and modern wrestling fan alike. We congratulate the artist on his return to top -or at least near to top -form!

Senators and Maple Leafs

SENATORS & MAPLE LEAFS by Ryely. 2ND PLACE WINNER (TIE)! For the third year in a row the artist's inferiority complex brings him only to second place. This graphic and somewhat libelous piece was helped along by strong team loyalties in the electorate in general, and a rising interest in somehow combining pro-line sports gambling with the black magic of voodoo. Controversial and energetic, the piece capitalized on the apogee of sentiments that characterize the end of the hockey season. Were Easter earlier or later it wouldn't have worked, but the artist intuitively sensed the mood of the electorate at a point in time and therefore rightly deserves his victory.


EGG ROBOT by Mike. 1ST PLACE GRAND PRIZE WINNER!!! This reviewer can remember a time when a robot entry couldn't buy a vote in this competition. How times have changed! Expressive, balanced composition combine with resourceful use of materials to give this artist his double victory this year. Kudos to you, sir!

Another competition over and done with. Stay tuned for next years installment of the continuing saga of....THE ANNUAL CROSSMAN FAMILY EASTER EGG COMPETITION!!!